This meeting script has been created upon the request of the UK RCA ZOOM meeting, Tuesdays, 20:30 (8:30 pm) GMT (15:30 (3:30 pm) ET).
[Note to the Couple leading the meeting: All instruction for the meeting leaders are stated in red Italic fonts and in [ ], and should not be read aloud.
Text in the meeting script that are to be read in certain cases, will be in black italic fonts
When the script states that you must “share the screen”, you do this via the function on Zoom.
On Zoom.us you may find a guide on how to share the screen, that you might want to visit before leading a meeting for the first time:
https://support.zoom.us/hc/en-us/articles/201362153-How-Do-I-Share-My-Screen-]
Welcome to this RCA UK ZOOM meeting
My name is ________ and I am in recovery with _________ – and my name is _________ and I am in recovery with __________, and we are the meeting leaders for this meeting.
This meeting last for 1 hour and will be conducted as a normal face-to-face meeting. That’s why we ask you to keep your video on during the meeting.
Use the Gallery View in the upper hand of the Zoom window to see all participant. Please mute your line using the microphone button in the lower left corner of the Zoom window, if you are not sharing, so we may conduct the meeting in a peaceful and orderly fashion.
This is a closed meeting – only couples are welcome. However, members of RCA may attend alone, if their partner is not able to attend.
We hope you will find in this Fellowship the help and friendship we have been privileged to enjoy. Let’s open the meeting with a moment of silence, followed by the Couples Serenity Prayer.
[Share the screen so the couples may join in the Serenity Prayer.]
God, grant us the serenity
to accept the things we cannot change,
courage to change the things we can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
[Stop sharing the screen and continue the meeting script]
We will now introduce ourselves and state briefly how we feel. There will be more time for sharing later in the meeting. Please let us know it this is your very first RCA meeting or if you are new to this meeting.
[The meeting leaders start by presenting themselves. The meeting leaders make sure that all couples are given the possibility to present themselves.]
[If there are newcomer couples, the following text is read:] To the newcomer couple(s), we welcome you to RCA. We recommend you attend 5-6 RCA meetings before you decide if RCA is for you. We hope that you will find in this fellowship the help and friendship that we have been privileged to find.
[Ask different couples (one couple at the time) to read the following meeting readings: Preamble, How it works, part 1, The 12 steps of RCA, How it works, part 2. Share the screen for the first couples to start read. When the final text has been read, stop sharing the screen.]
The RCA Preamble
Ours is a fellowship of recovering couples. We suffer from many addictions and dysfunctions, and we share our experience, strength, and hope with each other that we may solve our common problems and help other recovering couples restore their relationships.
The only requirement for membership is the desire to remain committed to each other and to develop new intimacy.
There are no dues or fees for membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. We are not allied with any organization. We do not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorse nor oppose any causes.
Although there is no organizational affiliation between Alcoholics Anonymous and our fellowship, we are based on the principles of AA. Our primary purpose is to stay committed in loving and intimate relationships and to help other couples achieve freedom from dysfunctional relationships.
[Ask the next couple to read How It Works, Part 1.]
How RCA Works—Part I
Rarely have we seen a couple fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands mutual and rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who cannot or will not make a commitment to their partner. There are those who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas, and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with addictions; cunning, baffling, powerful. We also deal with all those memories of past hurts, misbehavior, and vows violated. Without help our anger, hurt, and mistrust are too great for us. But there is one who has all power; that one is God. May you find God now.
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon. Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
[Ask the next couple to read the 12 Steps of RCA.]
The 12 Steps of RCA
1. We admitted we were powerless over our relationship – that our life together had become unmanageable.
2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to commitment and intimacy.
3. We made a decision to turn our wills and our life together over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our relationship together as a couple.
5. We admitted to God, to each other, and to another couple the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character, communication, and caring.
7. We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it to our partner and to others we had harmed.
11. We sought through our common prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other couples, and to practice these principles in all aspects of our lives, our relationship, and our families.
[Ask the next couple to read How It Works, Part 2]
How RCA Works—Part II
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! We can’t go through with it. Our love is lost, our vows forever violated, our communication destroyed, our families broken beyond repair.”
Do not be discouraged. No couple among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints, our love is not perfect, our energy not unbounded, nor our relationships ideal. There is no such thing as the ultimately caring and nurturing partner or perfect intimacy. The point is that we are willing to grow together along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. In our spirituality we claim the goal of greater caring, communication, and intimacy.
Our understanding of our addictions, dysfunctions, and our personal histories before and after recovery make clear three pertinent ideas:
1. That our relationship had become unmanageable. That despite our best efforts we were headed for separation and/or divorce.
2. That probably no human power could have restored us to commitment and intimacy.
3. That God could and would if God were sought.
[Stop sharing the screen and continue with the meeting script]
The Traditions of the month is:
[The meeting leader reads the tradition of the month – No.1 in January, no. 2 in February etc.]
THE TWELVE TRADITIONS OF RCA
1. Our common welfare should come first; couple recovery depends upon RCA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority, a loving God as known in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for RCA membership is a desire to remain in a committed relationship.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or RCA as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to recovering couples who still suffer.
6. RCA ought never endorse, finance, or lend the RCA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every RCA group should be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Recovering Couples Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. RCA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. Recovering Couples Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the RCA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
The topic for today’s meeting is _________________________ [state the meeting topic:
1. Tuesday of the month: Step, pages 17-40 (Step 1 in January, Step 2 in February, etc.)
2. Tuesday of the month: Suggested meeting topic, pages 61-72 (no. 1 in January, no. 2 in February, etc.)
3. Tuesday of the month: Daily Reflection, pages 233-296 (a number between 1 and 52 is randomly picked by either the meeting leaders or a couple
4. Tuesday of the month: Tradition, pages 84-96 (Tradition 1 in January, Tradition 2 in February, etc.)
5. Tuesday of the month: A couple share (Speakers) or Topic]
[If there already is a couple to give a speech on the topic, please say:] Today’s speaker couple is: _________________________ [state the names of the couple]
[If there is no speaker couple for today’s meeting, please say:] Is there a couple that would want to speak on today’s topic?
You have ___ minutes. [State the amount of time the speakers may speak]
How do you wish to be timed?
Who will be the time-keeper’s for today? [Wait for a couple to volunteer to keep time]
We will now give the floor to the speaker couple ____________ [X and X]
[After the speaker couple has shared]
Thank you for your shares and your honesty.
[Ask a couple to read the safety guidelines and share the screen:] Would ____ please read the safety guidelines
RCA Safety Guidelines
Anonymity and mutual respect of boundaries are essential to providing a healing experience to each of us. Most of us have had great difficulty establishing our boundaries, assertiveness, and personal space. We are sensitive to cross-talk. Our purpose is not to give advice or try to fix one another, but rather to create a safe environment where we can experience and share our pain.
We have found that:
1. It is OK to feel.
2. It is OK to make mistakes.
3. It is OK to have respectful conflict.
4. It is OK to have needs and ask for them to be met.
5. It is important to respect others (partners and others in the group). It is important to avoid selfrighteous statements, baiting or button-pushing statements, case-building statements, and the taking or sharing of another person’s inventory.
6. It is important to respect ourselves and to avoid self-put-downs and self-pity. It is helpful to take ownership of our own story and to take credit for our progress and work in recovery.
7. Anonymity is our spiritual foundation. Whom you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.
We have care and concern for ourselves and our coupleships. We meet to both receive and provide the nurturing our relationships need to grow and endure. For that reason, it is important for us to act and speak respectfully to our partners and others. As we do this, we value the group and the relationships in it.
[Stop sharing the screen]
All are welcome to share whether their partner is present or not. We do ask you to keep your shares focused on your own part in the relationship, as stated in the RCA safety guidelines. Therefore, we use “I” statements and we abstain from any generalizing statements.
If a share breaches the Safety Guidelines, each member may indicate this by silently raising the hand and the meeting leaders will pause the meeting, so that the issue may be addressed by the group conscience.
We have 3 minutes shares.
When we share we share as a couple. You can share on the topic, on any other topic or your experience, strength and hope.
[If there are any newcomer couples, please say:] Newcomer couples are welcome to share when ever they want, and we save the last 5-10 min especially for you.
The meeting is now open for shares until ____ [10 minutes before meeting closing time]
[SHARING TIME]
[If there is/are newcomer couple(s) – please say app. 20 minutes before meeting closing time and right after a couple has shared]: Does any newcomer couple wish to share? This is the time we reserve especially for you.
[App. 10 minutes before meeting closing time, please say:] Now it’s time to close the meeting. Thank you for a wonderful meeting.
7. tradition. We are self-supporting and decline outside contributions. [If the group has its own Pay-Pal account – place a link to that account in the chat-window (to all)
If the group does not have its own Pay-Pal account – copy the link to the account of RCA WSO:
https://2020.brianrouley.net/7th-tradition/
]
Be mindfull of your own needs first and give only what you can.
Are there any RCA related announcements to the group? [If there are any announcements – hear them out.]
Who will be the meeting leaders for the meeting next week? [ If there are no volunteers, please remember to inform the group in the What’s App group, so couples not attending tonights meeting may volunteer]
The topic for the next meeting is__________________ [State the topic for the next meeting]
1. Tuesday of the month: Step, pages 17-40 (Step 1 in January, Step 2 in February, etc.)
2. Tuesday of the month: Suggested meeting topic, pages 61-72 (no. 1 in January, no. 2 in February, etc.)
3. Tuesday of the month: Daily Reflection, pages 233-296 (a number between 1 and 52 is randomly picked by either the meeting leaders or a couple
4. Tuesday of the month: Tradition, pages 84-96 (Tradition 1 in January, Tradition 2 in February, etc.)
5. Tuesday of the month: A couple share (Speakers) or Topic]
Is there a couple that wish to give a speech on the topic for the next meeting? [Wait for a couple to volunteer – if no one volunteers this can be decided at the next meeting]
In this group the business meeting is after the last meeting of the month immediately following the ordinary meeting. Please attend. If you have any items or suggestions for the business meeting, please forward them to the secretary couple using the email that is shown in the chat window [place the email for the secretary couple in the chat window (for all)]
In closing we would like to say that the opinions that were stated here today belongs to the person that gave them. Take what you can use and leave the rest.
[Share the screen and ask a couple to read the promises]
The Promises of RCA
If we are honest about our commitment and painstaking about working the Twelve Steps together we will quickly be amazed at how soon our love returns. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will learn how to play and have fun together. As we experience mutual forgiveness we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Trust in each other will return. We will comprehend the word serenity, and we will know peace.
No matter how close to brokenness we have come, we will see how our experiences can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness, shame, and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our partners, families, and others. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will be better parents, workers, helpers, and friends. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
For those of you who are new to our fellowship there are no problems that you have experienced that are not common to many of us.
Just as our love for our partners has been imperfect, we may not always be adequately able to express to you the deep love and acceptance we feel for you. Keep coming back, the process of loving and communication grows in us and with each other one day at a time.
Remember always, what is said here stays here.
[Meeting leader:] Please join us in the Unity prayer.
I put my hand in yours,
and together we can do what we could never do alone.
No longer is there a sense of hopelessness,
no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower.
We are all together now,
reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours,
and as we join hands,
we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.
[Stop sharing the screen]